KINNE

​

a slap in the face

a slap at the back

a silent scream

a confession made to a friend

a mental affair

a physical affair

waiting

a longing for value

a longing for rest

a need to be seen

a wish to stay alone

a hundred unacknowledged calls

a hundred calls

sleeping

a never-ending search for a lost keepsake

a never-ending search for a lost photograph

an antipathy against people who are needy

an insight about oneself‘s neediness

a hundred disunions

at least one reunion

having sex

an uncountable number of afternoons getting over lost friends

an uncountable number of afternoons only masturbating

an uncountable number of afternoons imagining to be someone else

an uncountable number of afternoons ordering someone else‘s clothes

an uncountable number of afternoons reserving these orders done drunken

an uncountable number of afternoons starting to drink in lack of actions of priority

eating

a hidden schwarmerei

a thing thrown away because it felt like ballast

a failed try to get this thing back from the dustbin

a failed try to find exactly the same in the internet

an afternoon spent with finding options to recreate this object

an afternoon spent to remember all the objects thrown away that weren‘t missing

reading

some days spent drinking

some days spent thinking about now to stop drinking

some days spent thinking about how to stop drinking

some days spent trying to stop drinking

some days spent sober

crying

beginning to write a diary

reading the diary after two days

maybe a fault

stop writing a diary

texting friends senseless messages and memes of wisdom

smiling

in German there is a word which is the moment between smiling and laughing

it is SCHMUNZELN

a great word

my fave word

it is something that is happening to you

suddenly you find yourself doing that

and it‘s something you can do alone or with very good friends

like SCHWEIGEN

- holding one‘s peace

​

aus: centre of moon, exhibition, Berlin 2020